the truth

We live in a time where we are challenged to be ever more tolerant of everything and everyone around us.  In pursuit of that perfect level of tolerance, almost every aspect of life has undergone such redefinition as to become almost non-existent.  We strive to be seen as liberal in our thinking regarding such things as gender definition and gender roles, but when it comes to thinking outside of our usual circles of acquaintance, things get a bit uncomfortable.  We have more difficulty being liberal in our ideas regarding that area of life than we care to admit.  If we were asked to state clearly what our position was regarding our social circles, I would venture to say that the bulk of us would find ourselves glossing the truth over a bit, or even avoiding it altogether.  None of us want to sound as ignoble as we would were we to tell the truth in that regard.  In which case, how liberal are we really? 

If we were to examine ourselves closely, we might find that we aren’t quite as tolerant or liberal as we’d hoped in many aspects of our lives.  For instance, I’ve heard numerous people, whether they were talking to me or to someone else, saying that they’re getting ready to go out for coffee with their “gay friend”.  Now, unless sexual activity is going to be on the menu, I don’t really see that the friend’s sexual orientation is relevant.  This leads one to think that the “gay friend” isn’t so much a friend as a status symbol, a “look at me, look how liberal I am, I have gay friends” sort of thing.  If I were to make sure that I had “gay friends”, and I were to make sure that everyone around me knew that I had “gay friends”, then I would be objectifying my “gay friends” rather than treating them like people.  If I’m objectifying them, then I am neither tolerant nor liberal.  In fact, it’s almost as if their being gay is the sole reason for being “friends” with them.  If our friendship is based on such qualifiers as sexual orientation, social position, etc., then we cannot claim to be tolerant.  A society that still marks whether or not a person is gay or rich is still a biased society where discrimination is rampant, regardless of how subtle the form it takes.  This might begin to explain why, even though I live in an area that prides itself on being gay-orientated, where rainbow banners fly and people wear t-shirts in support of Gay Pride, gay people don’t seem to feel entirely accepted.  They still suffer violence and discrimination.  There are even those I’ve encountered who feel “stared at”, singled out by others either for special treatment or for derision rather than being left alone to live their lives just the same as anyone else.  With the idea of social standing, those of us who have difficulty making friends with those of the lower classes comfort ourselves by donating to charities.  With the idea of sexuality, those of us who have difficulty seeing the person rather than the sexual identity comfort ourselves by making sure everyone knows how many gay friends we have.  What about racial equality?  It’s interesting how many of these matters are decided in the subconscious mind.  We feel rather than think about these issues, and we accept or reject without a single conscious thought.  Those of us who would count ourselves as the most racially liberal might be surprised to find that we aren’t really exposed to people of other races.  There are still support groups for interracial dating, which tells me that we still don’t have a very racially tolerant society.  This in turn tells me that people aren’t as liberal as they’d like to think they are, or as tolerant as they want others to think they are.  The reason I can make such a statement is because we don’t see very many obvious signs of bigotry, and when there are such signs, the masses protest vehemently…..and yet, there are support groups for interracial dating.  What we might find upon a closer examination of the situation is that most people would like to be more tolerant than they actually are.  Most people are quite vociferous regarding how anti-racist they are, which brings to mind the quote, “methinks he doth protest too much”.  Perhaps we’re trying harder to convince ourselves than to convince others, whether it’s regarding sexual orientation, race or social standing. 

It’s interesting to note that we make excuses for our own failings, hiding them rather than changing them, but can be rather brutal in our judgements of others who exhibit the same failings.  Bringing attention to the shortcomings of others detracts from our own in our subconscious mind somehow, so we zero in on those shortcomings with a self-righteous zeal which is only matched by the zeal with which we deflect any search of our own positions.  We expect others to change in ways we ourselves cannot, and we expect others to accept things we ourselves cannot.  We want to attain peace, both within ourselves and outside of ourselves, and we seek to attain that through liberal tolerance.  It doesn’t work because the missing ingredients are love and humility. 

In the current movement, people try to bend their minds into the desired shape, to force their minds to the state of acceptance of all things without judgement, and compassion for themselves in the quest for that elusive peace.  They do so without love, which is the same as trying to bake bread without any kind of flour.  When we meet someone for the first time, it is human nature for us to look for the things that matter most to us.  If we’re intellectual, we look for their intellectual capacity.  If we only want rich friends, we look at the quality of their clothing.  If we want gay friends, we try to guess what their orientation is.  This behaviour is based on selfishness.  We want to see if there’s anything in them that will make us happy or make us look good when with them.  If, however, we simply look to that person to show us who and what they are, with the idea that whoever and whatever they are will be lovable, then we will see who that person truly is.  I love the way babies and toddlers look at people.  There’s an openness, a sense of wonder and readiness to learn.  There is no suspicion, nor is there any kind of demand…..they simply want to see what you will show them.  They don’t know about labels yet.  We start labelling people the instant we see them, in spite of how we feel when others label us.  Little children are simply prepared to accept whatever they find in you, as long as it doesn’t cause booboos.  They are also humble.  Little children genuinely don’t care whether or not you drive a Rolls, what colour your skin is or who you have sex with.  All they care about is whether or not you’re nice.  Little children express humility in that open desire they all have to learn from you, as well as in the attitude that you’re all the same.  It takes humility as well as love to see others as equal to yourself.  Without those two qualities, we will never attain to any real peace with one another, or even with ourselves.  Compassion is useless if it’s not fired by love and humility; in fact, without love and humility, there can actually be no compassion.  When we approach others from that perspective, we start learning things about them that are amazing.  We will receive gifts from people that we would previously have ignored, and those gifts will make us better people ourselves.  Our world will expand and grow more beautiful, richer than we ever thought possible.  Conversely, if we don’t humble ourselves enough to love and learn, we’ll lose so much more than we can imagine, and that will be a shame.