social status

We all know that social status has played a huge role in life historically.  Even now, social barriers play a part in what we do with our lives, who we have as friends, etc.  It might surprise most of us to read such a thing…..after all, these are the modern times, and we’re always learning of cutting-edge new ways to change the way we view colleagues at work, the way we work together as teams…..we no longer refer to others as “junior staff” or “senior staff”, but as colleagues.  In fact, even the term “colleague” has been expanded in this new era to mean anyone that we work with on a project, whether they’re actually members of staff or not.  Everyone is respected equally.  In such times as this, one could justifiably be surprised to hear that social status and all its restrictions still exists.  Due to modern ways of addressing one another, those barriers may be less visible than they once were, but you’ll get the sense of them if ever you accidently start to cross them.  We see more relaxed attitudes and dress everywhere, even in the “first circles”.  Most people no longer bother with titles…..Prince William himself insists on being addressed simply as William or even sometimes as Wills, and wears jeans when “off duty”.  It has become now a sign of what one would almost call an “enlightened” attitude to be known by one’s first name, cementing the concept of equality.   So, where is the barrier?  

Well, now, there’s a good question, and to find the answer, imagine this scenario.  You’re the housekeeper working at Oxford, and you become engaged in a very interesting conversation with a doctor whose office you clean daily.  You’re enjoying the conversation so much that you ask him if he’d like to meet up after work to continue the conversation over coffee.  What do you expect his answer to be?  I can assure you, he will find some gentle way to turn you down.  You may also find that he’s a bit less engaging the next time you meet.  Why?  You have attempted to cross that barrier which cannot be crossed.  One is friendly with the maid, but not friends with the maid.  Boundaries are no longer acceptable in theory, but those who live life on the higher level still hold them dear.  This is understandable, really…..who wouldn’t like to be thought of as special somehow?  Who wouldn’t like to receive such respect as is given people of higher social standing?  One of the reasons people love Diana so very much that one only needs to say her first name and all know who is meant is that she alone broke that barrier.  She, though a princess having stronger royal blood than Charles himself, would sit at the kitchen tables of the common people and speak to them from her heart.  She was unique.  We would never be able to expect others of her circle to do that same thing.  Why not?  Quite simply, Diana learned through personal tragedy to reach out to those who were “real” enough to listen and empathise.  She grew up in a very privileged background, and was not always so very approachable.  However, her life took an unexpected turn.  Suddenly, she found herself faced with a life of such profound grief and humiliation that she could not bear it alone, and she found that all of the people she should have been able to reach out to were not there for such things as this.  She fell victim to life, the great equaliser, and found real friends in the people that she might previously have viewed as beneath her.  She learned things that very, very few others of her circle would ever have the opportunity to learn, and she embraced the friendships she was given.  She was laughed at for it, looked down on, and the issues that she faced which were common to humans everywhere were exaggerated.  Her reactions to that were in sync with the life she was living, but the reactions of her peers were in sync with their own experience of being above such things.  They had not themselves learned anything except to fear being humiliated in that same way; she had learned from her experiences to become better than they were.  She taught her sons to have a more realistic view of themselves and others around them than they would have gained from anyone else in that family.  She was able to do that because of what she herself learned, both from her own tragedy and from the reactions of the common people who listened to her with such love and compassion as she could not find elsewhere.  For our part, we recognise that the barrier people like her live behind prevents most of them from learning so much about life, or even about themselves, and we do our best to have compassion.  Life might one day hand them something that they aren’t able to handle, just as it did her, some tragedy that they weren’t prepared for, and the “friends” who were happy to be around them when times were good will suddenly and inevitably disappear.  Diana reached back, not out…..people loved her because they could see what she was up against and how hard she was trying to live up to everything.  They saw her strength and her weakness, and they loved her.  They let her know that, and she responded by reaching back and letting them be there for her.  We have to make that first gesture, and then leave it with them.  We have to recognise not the position they hold, but the person they are.  How we can do that will be another topic.